Key events
Where’s the waistcoat, Charlotte?
A friend of mine called her “Gareth Southgate with a scrunchie” and I haven’t been able to shake the image since. Anyone else? She and Frankie arrive together. Frankie does boggly eyes and whispers “Traitor” to Jake. Well, she didn’t hang around.
Here comes Alexander
Someone told me recently that if you close your eyes, he sounds exactly like Daniel Radcliffe. Try it.
Even his surname, Dragonetti, sounds like something from Harry Potter. Expelliarmus hedgerow fallus!
Jake arrives first
Followed by Leanne, aka Assassin Barbie. Cue the first of what I suspect will be many tears tonight. This show is brought to you in association with Kleenex Balsam Extra-Absorbent Multipacks.
The last breakfast
The number of diners at that breakfast table has been shrinking by the day. Now it’s set for five. Behind that table-scaping lurks cheese, pickles, all manner of slightly stale pastries and even more intrigue.
The final five arrive separately for a change, allowing them to reflect on their journey™.
Frankie learns Charlotte’s true nature
“It’s a shock to the heart,” says Frankie, while Charlotte replies: “It doesn’t leave this room.” Frankie realises immediately that Charlotte will turn the tables and claim she’s the Traitor. Of course she will. They burn the evidence, as per the rules.
It’s not over until the Linda lady sings…
Geez, this is tense. And not a little awkward. Trembly fingers, wobbly lips and twitchy body language ahoy.
Seer vs Traitor
We return to that table-for-two as Frankie the Seer gets ready to face Charlotte the Traitor and learn her true identity. Gulp.
First owl of the evening. Drink!
Oh Freddie, you endearing doofus. Why didn’t you just say that Charlotte told you?
And we’re off!
Roll the traditional “Previously on the Traitors” recap. Sisterhoods, both real and metaphorical! Seers! Secret priests! Undercover soldiers! A posh lady pretending to be Welsh! Creepy dolls! Rail replacement coach services!
Meep. Last chance to adjust your fringe and nip to the castle loo. We’re about to go over to the Scottish Highlands…
