Anita Powell, 50
âI discovered what perimenopause was when I was probably going through it,â laughs Anita Powell. At 45, she had joint pain and insomnia; people told her she had become âextremely snappyâ and at work she found it harder to empathise. âIâm a community worker, Iâm supposed to like people!â Among her friends and colleagues, too, she noticed, âconversations were changing. I realised everything was changing: health, relationships, mental health â¦â
A ânosy soulâ who loves listening to peopleâs stories, Powell decided to investigate. She started a meet-up in her home town, Bedford. It became apparent, she says, that women she met had had dramatically different menopause experiences both in terms of treatment, but also attitudes. Many women of colour, she says, thought HRT wouldnât be prescribed or work for them, and were exploring alternatives. There was also an expectation that they should be strong and uncomplaining. âPeople have less empathy, I feel, if a black woman is struggling.â That was Powellâs own experience: âPeople expect you to be more contained emotionally. When you open up and share your vulnerability, people ignore it and dismiss it. So then you donât open up.â
Powellâs GP refused her HRT because of hereditary high blood pressure, and her weight. Alternative strategies she could pursue were limited: âIâm a single mum, Iâve got two kids; I canât afford to spend £40 on vitamin tablets. I canât even afford a gym membership at the moment.â Managing her symptoms at home with diet and exercise is âa learning processâ. Sheâs now self-employed, which gives her more flexibility to recover after bad nights, and take steps to limit stress and eat healthily.
Itâs crucial, she says, for women going through menopause to talk about it. Her group has expanded into the Menopause Alliance, which runs peer-led support groups, and she has started a podcast, Black Menopause and Beyond. âFind a sister, a friend, a work colleague â thatâs where you find most of the information, and it can help with the mental health side: if we keep it all in, that enhances frustration and anxiety.â
Jess Rad, 41
âI had this sense I was battling my own physiology. I didnât understand what was happening in my own body,â says Jess Rad. She was only 37 when her menstrual cycle lengthened dramatically; other, debilitating symptoms followed. âI was having 10 hot flushes a day, I couldnât remember how to spell the word âsockâ, so much rage and irritability, I was having panic attacks â¦â
Rad didnât suspect perimenopause. She was still young and the symptoms and treatment of menopause were rarely discussed. Initial blood testing by her GP was inconclusive, before Covid halted everything. âI thought menopause was for older, white-haired women,â she says. Plus, life was overwhelming: she was home schooling two young children through the pandemic, her marriage was ending and she was building a new business.
Radâs own research made her push for further tests. Finally, a year after her first symptoms, her GP called, explaining she had premature ovarian insufficiency. Rad was due to chair an online discussion on hormones two hours later. She felt, she says, an almost âphysicalâ shame at the thought of discussing her diagnosis with strangers, but her new project, The Womenhood, centred on exploring unspoken challenges. âHow can I possibly not talk about it?â She did, kicking off conversations that are ongoing: âSomething wonderful has come out of that catalyst.â
Getting a premature menopause diagnosis was hugely positive for Rad, bringing much-needed answers and opening up treatment strategies. She started HRT. âIt felt like a big decision, but I thought, I literally donât know how Iâm going to survive.â It helped, but so does cold-water swimming â âit restores your patience and toleranceââ and finding time in a packed, people-filled life for quiet introspection.
Rad still sleeps poorly; she has night sweats and struggles with focus. She was recently diagnosed with ADHD, which has been illuminating: she thinks declining oestrogen exacerbated her concentration difficulties. Even so, these challenges can be potential âgifts in disguiseâ. Menopause, whenever it comes, can be an opportunity for women to focus on their own health and needs, she says. âWe deserve to understand whatâs happening in our bodies, in our minds.â
Helen Juffs, 56
Helen Juffs didnât think she was menopausal; she was expecting hot flushes, so when she started feeling confused and struggling at work, she feared it was early onset dementia. A surveyor and self-confessed âExcel queenâ, Juffs says: âIâd look at a spreadsheet and think, I donât know what that means.â Gradually more symptoms piled in, from acid reflux to weight loss and anxiety.
Multiple trips to the GP left her feeling frustrated: âNobody was putting two and two together.â Work was frustrating, too. Juffsâ patience wore thin; she found she was feeling furious. âI realise I was grieving on a very biological level,â she says. She was signed off work, then her research led her to an online menopause forum. It was helpful but, as a queer person, her confidence eroded by menopause, she didnât feel fully at ease. âEveryone was talking about their husbands ⦠I found I had to hide a bit.â Then one woman reached out privately: âShe didnât make a big deal of it ⦠just âOoh, we donât really seem to fit in here, do we?â That was amazing.â Theyâre still in touch.
The group did help Juffs return to her GP armed with information and an HRT request. With some adjustments, they found a regime that worked. Her symptoms improved for a year, but then she suffered repeated urinary infections. That earlier research helped her identify them as a genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) symptom, treatable with vaginal oestrogen. Juffs suspects the idea of menopause as a âone and doneâ time-limited event is unhelpful in understanding the myriad ways it can present long term. âMenopause is basically your body ageing, your hormones changing. Youâre going to get all these symptoms over time.â
Apart from HRT, yoga, a good diet, green tea and a career change have helped (Juffs now works as a reflexologist, end-of-life doula and health equity consultant). It was probably a mercy that her wife had an easier menopause: âShe literally sailed through it,â Juffs laughs. But perhaps the most important thing, she thinks, is simply being heard. She sees this with her reflexology clients in menopause, too; when she listens as they describe their symptoms, âtheir whole bodies relaxâ. QueerMenopause.com