Sonya, 50

If we go through a couple of weeks when we don’t have sex, Kyle starts to lose the plot

I’m normally the talker, but in the bedroom I really struggle using language around sex. Whereas Kyle, who’s normally the quieter one, likes to have conversations about what he’d like to try, and what I would like.

When we first met, six years ago, we lived a few hundred miles apart. Kyle wanted us to talk each other into an orgasm over the phone. I’d say: “I don’t know what to say to you. Everything sounds corny or like a porno.” I just couldn’t find the words.

Still, I’ve always been a highly sexual person. My previous relationship, with the father of my children, never had the sexual intensity I knew I was capable of experiencing, so I wanted to be with someone I was physically compatible with. When Kyle and I met I could feel my uterus doing somersaults.

Before we lived together, we could have sex five times in a day. Our sex is all pretty vanilla but he likes to mix things up by varying the tempo or just the places we’re doing it.

We usually end up having sex most days. If we go through a couple of weeks when we don’t, Kyle starts to lose the plot. He would have sex every day if he could. When I started going through menopause, I could tell he was suffering because he needs that sexual release, but I was losing my libido. I was getting hot flushes, my hair was thinning, I had body aches and felt bloated. It was hard for me to feel sexual. I’m now on hormone replacement therapy and I feel as if I’ve got my life back.

We decided to try something new on our honeymoon recently. We went to a tantric masseuse, who talked us through some tantric practices. We took turns getting a beautiful massage that included massaging our genitals in all kinds of amazing ways.

Kyle had a quiet orgasm. I had a banger. The masseuse and Kyle were laughing at me because I nearly fell off the table. She said to me: “You should be really grateful that you’ve got such a responsive body.” I thought, wow, that’s very nice to hear from another woman.

Kyle, 51

I had a threesome in my 20s and never forgot it

When I was young, I joined the army reserve for four years and I didn’t have sex for all that time. I think missing out on those years made me want sex a bit more. I’ve since learned that I’m a physical person: I just want to be able to have sex and an emotional connection with someone.

I found that in Sonya. When we met, six years ago, I was recently divorced. We lived three hours from each other and had our first date at a remote cottage halfway between. We spent the night together and I went back to her house the next day. We probably had sex about five times. I’m fortunate that I can recover quickly and go again. I try to hold back a bit so she can orgasm more than me.

Massaging and touching are very important to us. We’ll often do mutual masturbation and take our time. But we both have teenage kids so have to manage our relationship around them. Generally our sex goes in bursts, but when we do spend time together, we make the most of it.

We have great sex, in my opinion. She gives great blowjobs and she orgasms a lot, and I get pleasure in helping her achieve them. A couple of years ago we were given a bell that we hung on the kitchen wall. I joked to Sonya that it was “my blowjob bell.” I rang it, and she gave me a blowjob. I rang it another time, and nothing happened, so I said, “It’s broken!” It has become a big joke.

I’m probably the one who wants to try more stuff. I had a threesome in my 20s and have never forgotten it. I suggested bringing another person in for a night, but we settled on trying a couples tantric massage. We took turns in being shown different ways of pleasuring each other. I was nervous, but the masseuse made us feel very comfortable. It was different – but enjoyable – with someone else there.