14th over: England 80-1 (Duckett 37, Jacks 21) I know England are looking to the future – I’m enjoying it – but are we really saying Joe Root isn’t one of their best 50-over batters? I, for one, am not, now that you ask. I get leaving him out to prolong his Test career, if that’s what this is, but I still want him in my team, and I’m pretty sure he’d be good at milking Green, running in and bowling a tight line as I type. In the event, he cedes three singles garnished with consecutive wides, and Australia could really use another wicket.

“Hi Danno,” begins Deano Kinsella, and I can’t pretend this game of Australianising names isn’t appealing to me – I’m looking forward to Robbo Smyth taking over from me later on. “Sorry I’ve got to leave your OBO now. I have to drive down through Connemara on a beautiful sunny day. Anyone know if there’s a TMS link for the Englishman abroad please?”

Can anyone help, please? Poor old Deano sounds like he’s enduring a stinker here.

13th over: England 75-1 (Duckett 35, Jacks 20) Hardie returns, which makes sense – England struggled to get him away first up. And they’re still struggling now, Duckett walloping straight to cover when seeking the fence, three singles the only scoring shots.

12th over: England 72-1 (Duckett 33, Jacks 19) In comms, Broad is taken back to this day in 2007 – each delivery is better than the cream cardigan-coat job he now sports – noting that he might’ve escaped a no-ball . Meantime, back in the middle, Jacks zetzes Short’s first ball over cover for six and the addition of two ones and one two mean 10 off the over.

11th over: England 62-1 (Duckett 32, Jacks 10) Cameron Green into the attack and Jacks times a drive to mid-on, where Marsh intercepts on the dive. A further single follows, Jacks racing through as Duckett plays into the pitch, then another down the ground, and with this over yielding three, meaning five from the last two, Australia will be feeling better than 10 minutes ago.

10th over: England 59-1 (Duckett 31, Jacks 8) Time for some spin, Short into the attack, and some housekeeping: apparently, the email address at the top of the page was not, in fact mine, but Scott Murray’s. Please hit refresh and hit me up. Two off the over, and Australia needed that.

9th over: England 57-1 (Duckett 30, Jacks 7) A no-ball means a free-hit, and a high wide gives Jacks another go … and he doesn’t miss out, cudgelling down the ground for four. Two turned to square-leg follow, and that’s eight off the over, Australia now struggling to stem the flow of runs.

8th over: England 49-1 (Duckett 30, Jacks 1) Jacks shoves to mid-off and is off the mark.

WICKET! Salt b Dwarshuis 17 (England 48-1)

8th over: England 48-0 (Salt 17, Duckett 30) Salt eases a single to backward point, then Duckett drops and runs for one more.

7th over: England 46-0 (Salt 16, Duckett 29) Half-batter down the ground earns four for Duckett, then a drag-down sits up and beseeches treatment, the batter obliging by carting over square-leg for four more. Two dots follow, but Duckett has his eye in now, the two final balls of the other also whacked to the fence, both at midwicket, making it four fours in the over; England are motoring now.

6th over: England 30-0 (Salt 16, Duckett 13) Ricky Ponting, you’ll be unsurprised to learn, does not enjoy Australia’s moustaches, but I guess they pass the time, and in Beardman, the squad now possesses the first facial hair superhero. The first five balls of Dwarshuis’ over yield a two and a one, but then Slat steps outside his crease looking for a boundary and chops an edge that races past the stumps and to the fence. Well though Australia have bowled, they’ve not made a breakthrough and the scoring-rate is steadily increasing.

5th over: England 23-0 (Salt 10, Duckett 12) Abbott replaces Hardie and Duckett steps into a decent drive only for the bowler to grab in follow-through. No matter: after a wide ball, another widish ball and he’s on to it in a trice, playing it down through cover for four, then after three dots, another cross-batter into the covers earns three. Eight off the over, the most expensive of the innings so far.

4th over: England 15-0 (Salt 10, Duckett 5) Which nation has the best gear? Australia’s is obviously iconic, but I’m not sure one can ever accept yellow trousers, so I guess I’m going for West Indies, not just because I want to post this Carl Hooper catch. Anyhow, back in the middle, Salt edges again and they take two to deep square, then two singles follow. This has been impressive from Australia’s two young quicks.

3rd over: England 11-0 (Salt 7, Duckett 4) Both these batters adore width, and Australia’s lines have been pretty straight so far. The over opens with three dots, then Duckett mistimes a drive through cover for two and does likewise next ball for a single, before Salt dabs into the same area and they add one more. Good start from Australia.

2nd over: England 7-0 (Salt 6, Duckett 1) The left-armer Dwarshuis will open from the other end, moustache bristling, and Salt applies a more central part of bat to his first two deliveries, then edges one that leaves him, the ball dropping short of slip thanks to his deployment of soft hands. But the next delivery is vintage Salt, flinging hands at a wider one to deposit four through cover, and Australia will know that’s exactly where not to bowl to him.

1st over: England 3-0 (Salt 2, Duckett 1) Bit of away-swing first up and Salt plays and misses outside off, then edges into the off-side for one looking to play to leg. Duckett, of course, introduces bat to ball immediately, tapping one to point then, facing the final delivery of the over, Salt again looks to turn around the corner, again edges, and the ball drops just short of the diving Smith at backward point and they run one.

Looking at these two batting lineups, the sense is that it should be impossible for either to be dismissed without someone doing something significant; well, here we go, Aaron Hardie with the ball and Phil Salt facing.

Teams!

Archer tells Athers that he is sort of thinking about making the Ashes but the most important thing is today. He doesn’t know Brook well but says the new skip is a really nice guy and they’ve been chatting a lot this week.

Oh, Reece Topley is ill so Matt Potts plays.

Stuart Broad, dressed down in jacket-coat affair, rhapsodises Duckett who he thinks is now one of the best limited-overs players in the world. I’m looking forward to seeing how he, and the rest of England’s top four, do on a belter that comes with inviting short boundaries.

Full XIs to come, but Australia have had some illness in the camp and Glen Maxwell is missing.

Mitch Marsh says Australia would’ve bowled and that Benny Dwarshuis, “an incredible talent”, makes his d’boo. He’s trying to teach his players the importance of enjoying playing, especially in England where the crowds are big, then notes that Zampa, winning his hundredth ODI cap, is a “beautiful human being”. You’d take that as a reference, eh?

England win the toss and will bat

Toss time…

England are playing Australia #PeripateticLawnmower

Also, what is it with sport and banal, frequently hashtagged phrases that don’t actually make sense? Send in your favourites…

What’s the latest into autumn it’s acceptable to wear shorts? I’m a November or so man, but with the cricket going so deep, perhaps that needs revising down – or up – to December.

Cricinfo report that Phil Salt has presented Bethell with his England cap, so he’ll be making his debut today; lovely stuff.

If i’m not mistaken, this call comes from the Guardian’s Adam Collins. Imagine the aggro Worrall, in the process of converting from Australia to England, will get at the Gabba when – and it does feel like a when – he’s selected for an Ashes tour.

Of course there’s plenty more going on. England, captained by Harry Brook, are in transition, with Jacob Bethell a particularly tasty new option, while Australia also have various new and newish faces in their squad – most notably Mahli Beardman. Add to that the old rivalries, most notably Archer v Smith, and there’s plenty to distract us from whatever else we’re supposed to be doing.

Preamble