GOAL! Newcastle 0-1 Man City (Gvardiol 35)

34 min “Much like their rivals Liverpool, who dislike the 12.30 Slot, City’s seeming lethargy today suggests they’re in need of a Pep up,” says Jeremy Boyce. “Ptishhhh… Is he still in his seat or throwing some shapes in the technical area? I’ll get my coat…”

We haven’t seen him for a while. I’d love to hear his internal monologue because City have been well short of his standards.

32 min Guimaraes wipes out Gundogan and is booked.

32 min Not much of a game, this.

29 min “The way this match is progressing, I see a first goal by Newcastle which will wake City up,” says Krishnamoorthy V. “Final score: Newcastle 1-4 City.”

28 min A better ball from Bernardo, threaded towards the far post, is put behind by Trippier. That was a crucial touch because Haaland – who had ragdolled Dan Burn earlier in the move – was waiting behind him to score.

27 min Bernardo Silva’s pass is behind Gundogan on the edge of the area, which means his first-time shot hits his standing foot and goes well wide.

27 min “Have City only named eight subs,” says Richard Hirst, “or has the Grauniad failed to list one of them?”

Woe is City.

26 min Schar is booked for a tactical foul on Grealish.

25 min A Newcastle corner brushes the head of Haaland at the near post, hits Grealish and goes behind for another. Newcastle have a big physical advantage on corners: Lewis is marking Joelinton, Bernardo Silva is on Dan Burn.

23 min City aren’t really at the races. Maybe it’s a 12.30 thing. I should stress that Ederson hasn’t had a save to make either, so they’re not exactly all over the show, but Newcastle do look more threatening.

19 min Newcastle are having a good spell and City look a bit lethargic. Gvardiol has just had his collar felt for a foul throw, which doesn’t happen often a City player.

16 min Kieran Trippier has changed his right boot, which means he’s now wearing odd boots. Well flippin’ futile.

14 min Newcastle break promisingly, only for Barnes to overhit his pass to the overlapping Joelinton. They do look a threat going forward, particularly in transition, and moments later Trippier’s fierce shot flattens Grealish. It hit him right in the breadbasket.

13 min City’s passing so far has been very deliberate, arguably to a fault. I guess it’s all credit in the bank for the last 10-15 minutes of the game.

11 min “City clearly not on it today; Fulham were one up against Newcastle by now,” says Richard Hirst. “Bodes well for us against City next week (yes, I’m currently eating funky French cheese for lunch!).”

Fulham are looking good aren’t they? So nice to see Emile Smith Rowe and Raul Jimenez doing well.

10 min Ederson is challenged by Gordon 30 yards from goal and plays the most nonchalant backheel to Kyle Walker. Tremendous scenes.

8 min City’s formation is closer to 4-1-4-1/4-1-2-3, with Kovacic the deepest midfielder. Lewis is forward to the right, Gundogan to the left.

7 min City are starting to control the game, as you’d expect. Gundogan plays a simple pass into Haaland, whose shot on the turn is comfortably saved by Pope.

5 min Grealish teases his man and lays the ball back to Akanji on the edge of the area. His shot deflects behind off Tonali.

4 min Grealish cuts inside Trippier and hits a shot that is headed away by Schar. Pep is already chuntering away to his grinning assistant, not sure why.

2 min Schar sprays a terrific long pass out to Trippier, who loses Gvardiol on the edge of the area. Ederson comes out to dive at his feet.

1 min Peep peep! Newcastle kick off from left to right as we watch, and Harvey Barnes has a shot blocked inside 25 seconds.

A reminder of the teams

Newcastle (4-3-3) Pope; Trippier, Schar, Burn, Hall; Tonali, Guimaraes, Joelinton; J Murphy, Gordon, Barnes.
Substitutes: Dubravka, Krafth, Osula, Livramento, Almiron, Kelly, Willock, Longstaff, A Murphy.

Man City (4-2-3-1) Ederson; Walker, Dias, Akanji, Gvardiol; Lewis, Kovacic; Bernardo, Gundogan, Grealish; Haaland.
Substitutes: Ortega Moreno, Carson, Stones, Doku, Savinho, Nunes, Foden, McAtee.

Referee Jarred Gillett.

“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas, our Australia Newcastle correspondent. “Hope you’re well. Firstly, I hope Darren Eales gets better. No popcorn and no kale chips tonight: I’ve been on an MSG/chilli sauce/French fries binge from around midday, and there’s a melted M&M McFlurry (with a flake and caramel topping) being salvaged in the freezer.

“There is definitely something to winning points when playing badly, but since the fourth place finish, some Newcastle ‘stars’ have seemed weighed down rather than galvanised. Oasis Breakup Reboot FC are the last team you want rolling into toon at a time when things aren’t clicking.

“Early days in the season but nonetheless, some red flags appearing on and off the pitch…”

This business with Paul Mitchell and Eddie Howe sounds a bit weird. Not sure how that can end with everyone enjoying milk and cookies.

“I had a dream for two nights running that Kyle Walker is going to have a nightmare game against Newcastle,” writes David Bronstein. “Visions of an own goal and or a red card. You heard it here first.”

Have you been on the funky cheese again?

He’s on the bench today. Cheers, Pep.

2 February 2025, 4.30pm (probably)

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