Graham and Jane have been married for 35 years (Image: Jane Andrews)
Jane Andrews knew something was very wrong when her husband Graham appeared at her bedside with a bunch of flowers, mistakenly thinking it was her birthday.
After three decades of marriage, the couple had no idea that dementia was about to upend their lives.
In the following years, Network Rail manager Jane watched Graham, 67, “slip away, piece by piece” as she struggled to access the right support.
She is sharing her family’s story in support of a new Alzheimer’s Society campaign which aims to shed light on a “forgotten crisis” across the UK.
Jane, 61, said: “Even me, years ago, I thought dementia was just when you forget where your glasses are. But every case is different and it’s about educating people.
READ MORE: ‘Caring for my 83-year-old father with dementia is pushing me to the brink’
Graham and Jane’s children, Matthew and Hannah, have had to come to terms with his diagnosis (Image: Jane Andrews)
“Don’t stick your head in the sand if you think there is something not right. Get help, quickly, because otherwise it’s too late and you could lose valuable time.
“If I can help one person get up and do something to help themselves or the person they’re caring for, then it’s time well spent.”
Graham’s symptoms began in 2018 when he would come home from work as a driving instructor exhausted and suffering from headaches.
He then faced a long road to receiving a diagnosis – with doctors at various times putting his symptoms down to minor driving collisions, migraines, depression and Alzheimer’s.
The family’s challenges were “magnified a million times by Covid”, which closed memory clinics, Jane said.
And Graham’s condition worsened rapidly. He often lost his glasses and keys, forgot key dates and could no longer read the time.
“Everything was changing,” Jane said. “We were slowly just watching him slip away, piece by piece, but powerless to do anything or understand what was going on.”
Jane is speaking out to raise awareness and encourage others to seek help (Image: Jane Andrews)
Graham has now been diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) and aphasia. Jane said it was a “difficult journey to look for help” and they only discovered many local services thanks to daughter Hannah’s persistent searching online.
A survey of almost 3,500 people for Alzheimer’s Society found just three in 10 thought health and social care support for dementia were easy to access. Less than 40 percent were satisfied with the help available to them.
Graham, who can no longer hold a conversation, moved into a care home near their home in Milton Keynes in July. The experience has taken a huge toll on Jane, who is now receiving counselling.
She added: “The dementia has really taken hold of him. He’s in a world that I can’t enter, really. He’s checked out and is not the Graham of five or six years ago.
“For 35 years he has not left my side, and suddenly he’s gone. I’m finding this stage the hardest.”
Alzheimer’s Society’s ‘Behind Closed Doors’ campaign is inviting families like Jane’s across the UK to share their experiences.
Their testimony will be used as evidence to encourage policymakers to prioritise improving dementia care.
The campaign has been backed by celebrities including Suranne Jones, David Baddiel and Anne-Marie Duff.
Comedian and Alzheimer’s Society ambassador David’s dad Colin lived with Pick’s Disease – a type of FTD – for several years before he died in January 2022.
David said: “Dementia takes an incredible toll on the families and carers around the person living with the condition.
“I’ve seen people lock themselves away because they didn’t know what else to do. They were scared.
“Dementia is scary, but I think the only way to deal with that fear is by talking about it, sharing what you and your family members are going through and by trying to dispel myths about it.”
Around one million people are estimated to be living with dementia in the UK, and numbers are set to reach 1.4 million by 2040.
Kate Lee, Alzheimer’s Society chief executive, said: “Dementia is the biggest health and social care issue of our time.
“Its devastation reaches families in every corner of the UK and yet it isn’t the priority it needs to be.
“That’s why we’re asking people to share their dementia stories and bring this reality out from behind closed doors.
“We want to get people talking about dementia and join us in pushing governments across the UK again, and again, and again to make dementia the priority it needs to be.”
To share your story visit alzheimers.org.uk/stories.
