I am generally wary of streaming platform originals, so often do they feel like the fast fashion of the film world: cheap, disposable, chasing ephemeral interests and brittle with repeat use. But I will give Netflix, Amazon and co props for this: for nearing a decade now, they have attempted to fill a void left by the theatrical box office, whose hollowed-out market rarely supports the mid-budget adult films – particularly romcoms and erotic thrillers – that routinely entertained non-franchise audiences in decades past. Only occasionally do they succeed, as in the case of Netflix’s Do Revenge or Players, but the mission remains worthwhile.
Picture This, a new romcom from Amazon Prime Video, has promising elements suggesting it could be one of the better entries. Namely: the presence of Simone Ashley, the always luminous breakout star of the Netflix confection that is Bridgerton; Hero Fiennes Tiffin, nephew of Ralph and Joseph and perhaps best known for his role in the Tumblr smutty After trilogy; and the ever-relevant plot of becoming an unsolicited charity case as a single woman at the ripe age of 30. But though the two leads are capably charming – or, in the case of Tiffin, baseline attractive as a nice hometown guy not given much to do – the movie still has the imprint of a tech company’s content assembly line: cheaply made, over-lit, bumpily paced, ludicrously dialed-up characters without much comic payoff.
The film, directed by Prarthana Mohan, is an adaptation of the Australian movie Five Blind Dates, produced and distributed by Amazon just last year. The screenwriter Nikita Lalwani transposes the hijinks of a fortuitous/constraining palm reading to Hackney, filmed as if for an Instagram reel (in fact, virality serves as an unsurprising deus ex machina here), in which the 29-year-old photographer Pia (Ashley) runs a portraiture studio that doubles as her spacious (to my Brooklyn eyes) apartment. Picture This admirably sketches out the city life of an independent, ambitious young woman that is neither pitiful nor fully figured out – a solid best friend partnership with Jay (Luke Fetherston, giving lead energy to a supporting performance), a creative career and a fledgling business that takes precedence over any romantic life, not that she’s complaining.
But money is tight, the bills are literally mounting and on the occasion of her younger sister Sonal’s (Anoushka Chadha) month-long Indian wedding in the suburbs, her mother (Sindhu Vee) reveals a stash of family heirloom jewelry. The catch? She must get married to access it. The extra catch? She must go on five dates, as dictated by a hammy spiritual guide hired by her mother, in order to meet her soulmate. Ever a skeptic (same), Pia agrees to the deal to appease several forces in her life – including Jay, who would like to get paid for his work in the photo shop – but mostly to keep up appearances in front of the best man, who happens to be her high school ex Charlie (Tiffin).
The dates are, as mandated by plot, disastrous, ranging from an icky nepo baby, to an auntie set-up with mommy issues, to Phil Dunster’s wellness guru who insists on strumming a rotation of Jason Mraz songs. Ashley, who could light sparks even out of the fluff of Bridgerton, breezes through a series of cringey encounters, and finds some naturalism and sharp stubbornness in a character many others would play more bumbling, or desperate, or shrill. But even she cannot rise above material that flounders between family drama romance, farce and commentary on meddling elders. In one scene, Pia evinces a much-ballyhooed past independent, rebellious streak, as she remembers a makeshift way to light a joint with a battery from her uni days, only to catch her hair on fire, cut scene. Such is the jolted rhythm and confused tone of this movie.
Unfortunately, much of this is rendered in the distinctive glare of the streaming economy – ironic, given that this is a movie about a talented photographer with a supposedly keen sense of lighting – with an overreliance on unnecessary split-screens that serve to distract rather than enhance. Ashley and Fetherston do their best to give some texture, some lived-in quality, to this movie that otherwise looks exactly like what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable, at points – Pia and Charlie’s too-limited one-on-one moments have the requisite chemistry, and Ashley often flashes the vividness and on-screen vitality of a classic romcom star. But like many an app date, it’s neither offensive nor memorable – a drop in the bucket, one in an algorithmic sea of many.
